Dancing Your Animal

My Company as of next week has been booted out from the night club I have been working in till now. I realised that I only have one more week to work there and use the facilities to experiment with shamanic practices such as dancing. As I work there during the day I have the place for mostly myself.

I have been toying with the idea of dancing an animal spirit since I have read a book part of which was on this topic. Now that my time is running out I know it is now or never. So I picked a time after my shift cleaning up the place and tired as I was I grabbed my maracas and went up to one of the dance floors painfully conscious of the chance of someone walking in on me. These two factors, being tired and wanting to avoid embarrassment made my dance rather short. Only about the third of the time usually recommended for such activity but turned out to be successful nevertheless.

The dance is for a great part builds up from segments that are aimed at communicating with and honouring the spirits sacrificing ones very energy to their honour through dance. Only well into the dance one even begins to became perceptive to the spirit that one will dance. By then the dancer will have established enough focus, through mental concentration, the rhythm of the shakers and rhythmic movements, induced into a mild state of trance.

I was rushing through the dance and was somewhat surprised that I remembered the sequence advised. I had plenty of space to move which I enjoyed especially in the beginnings when my dance was an honouring, a sacrifice of my energy. I took part in such dance about a year and a half ago in Glasgow, blindfolded then. It was an amazing experience then and has not let me down this time either. Through this first part I had a very strong intuition about an animal. It was a feeling or rather a knowledge or a certainty but I discarded it quickly only slightly conscious of its meaning. I didn’t trust myself.

I rapidly progressed into the second half where I would be dancing the spirit that either is something that can be referred to us my birth animal or a past or present guardian spirit.

An image of an environment flashed in front of my eyes. It was the perception of the animal I had the intuition about just a couple of minutes earlier. I danced on surprised about this. I didn’t imagine this would be it. I would be dancing the animal that I haven’t even thought of before. I let it go and hoped for getting something that I am more used to, that I think is much cooler. It came back and as I saw him walking through the woods I also saw the trees as I was walking through them while through my half open eyes I could see the outlines of the dance floor. My dancing slowed down somewhat. It was interesting. I was a bit taken aback for I knew that I rushed my dance, I was too conscious of my environment and I was probably too tired to focus properly. On my first attempt to dance an animal I felt I danced one. Reading the book later I realised I done it more less by the book and I achieved my goal. I read up on the animal later and had intuitions and through them revelations about myself I feel I achieved a deeper understanding of my motives. I was exhausted and I was energized all at once.

Those intuitions

One of our bikes got stolen. It happens sometimes, I know many people whose wire-horse has found a new owner this way and many more whose were almost stolen, attempted to. And I haven’t locked it anyway.

The worst be it is that I knew a day in advance it was going to happen.

The day before I came home riding another bike and walking up the stairs I remembered that I forgot to put the spare lock on the other bike, the one I was going to use the following day. Normally I am not at all fussed about locking that bike up, I always know that it is safe even if I leave it in town for days without being locked but somehow I knew that the following day will be different. In the morning the bike of course was there but only when getting to work I realised that I have not brought the lock for it. Just as I parked my colleague came on her bike and the thought run through my head I should ask her if she had a spare lock. I discarded it as a desperate thought, why would she?

Eight hours later on the same spot I could not find my bike. It was stolen. Just as I knew it was going to be. My workmate told me that her bike was almost stolen couple of weeks back so now she has two locks at all times but of course she doesn’t use them both always, depends on the time of the day and part of town.

I could have asked her, and I would have the bike still.

Wonderful lesson. I knew the trouble approaching, I had the chance to escape it but out of ignorance I turned it down. I have learnt my lesson. Only saddens me that this had to cost a bike. Or maybe it had to be this way. Maybe recently I was ignorant enough.

Listen to your inner voice. It might be telling you something important.

Spirit Guides (Power Animals) Come and Go

Recently in my Tobi blog I have written that Tobi has gotten on an airplane and left. Don’t know where, why and for how long. Interestingly, at the same time I begun to feel a lack of spiritual power. It felt as if I was once again alone.

Tobi, is a real dragon, a spirit guide and the blog that carries its name is a way, used to be a way to ‘dance’ it, giving it a chance to be in this world for this is why spirit guides accompany us. They share they powers protecting and guiding, enabling, empowering us and in return al they ask is the chance to manifest in this physical word to which they have no access.

Dragon is a mythical creature and maybe in the imagination, in pictures and stories it can be made into real just the same as dancing it physically. However, I feel its lack of presence now. I do not know if it left me for good but I know it is not here. I have failed to do something I needed or simply he was not meant to be here any longer. Maybe the power the dragon carries I needed for a short period only.

I have not discovered the next step yet. My suspicion is that what I am doing right now is the next step. Continue writing after being unable to do so for a long time. This is what I have been given the energy to do and ‘Tobi’ was a way of starting it, creating a beginning. The Tobi Blog will remain, I will imagine, I will dance the memory of the power of the dragon but I sense I will not dance the real.

I fell ill 3 or 4 days back due to the lack of power in my body. I felt the intrusion, wherever it came from but I could do nothing to stop it. Yesterday morning I felt that there is energy within, new, different one to help me restore my natural balance. It came after I spent many hours singing, honouring the spirits while at work the day before, using the smoke of tobacco to help my words reach the heavens.

The power is different. Subtle and organised. I do not know it well, and I know I will have to travel a long way in Non Ordinary Reality to get to know him but I will, I will see it in the dream world while asleep. I probably already have but unfortunately I find it most impossible to remember anything from the time when I’m ‘dreaming’. I only remember prints of feelings, the mark they have left on my memory of being asleep.

I feel the need to say my farewell to dragon for I am most thankful for the assistance I have received and I can still remember strongly the day I have received this power in my life. It happened only a few months back . I was at work, working on my own going through the regular routine. The only difference was from an average day that I cold feel the presence of an other around me, following me. It felt so real, so physical that I kept looking around, over my shoulder. It was almost frightening because I was not, still not accustomed to such experiences. Life around that time showed me it was dragon that entered my life. It has kept appearing around me in every possible way, its power manifesting in my life.

Connections

Late spring about a year ago one weekend Jen was away so Lili and I had the weekend to share, just the two of us. I thought this would be an excellent opportunity to experiment with food that we normally don’t get to eat often. Things such as mushroom and fish was on the menu, types of food that we normally don’t prepare.

We went down to the local store with Lili, got in some ingredients and on the way home we were chatting about all kind of things. We haven’t mentioned the food just purchased. Climbing the steps to our third floor flat quietly, both of us tired from the walk and carrying the bags I started thinking how we will make some excellent lunch from the kilo mushroom we bought at a bargain price. I was thinking how I would fry it up with onions and some spices when Lili just burst out loud ‘but I don’t like onions!’ I followed my instinct and continued the conversation as if it hasn’t started in thoughts, as if it was normal to read someone’s mind.

In October 2007 before Lili started in Day Care we went for a couple of hours visit together. When showed around we also peeped into the hall. An overwhelming feeling of entering a church hall almost knocked me off my feet. It was so strong that I can still feel it when thinking back. Few days later, when Lili has started at the day care, she also has been taken to the hall for gym. When recounting the events of the day at home she mentioned that she has been to the church. That has shocked us because we opted out from religious teaching for her. When she elaborated on the experience, it came to light that she had been in the hall, doing gym.

Most recently, such thing happened regarding our imaginary dragon. At work I was thinking up what story I will be telling about this creature in my blog dedicated to it. In the story I thought up he came to work with me that day. Somewhat later, at home, while I was still at work Lili was looking for Tobi but couldn’t find it. Normally she would find any imaginary thing within no time, or would accept it being offered to her by someone (after all it is imaginary). This day it wasn’t the case.

There has been many occasions in our life when such events have taken place, the above mentioned are only some examples. It is fascinating to think that two people can share so much of their thoughts, impressions and emotions without really trying or consciously intending to do so. Just doing it. When giving it a thought I must admit that this is a connection that potentially could exist between all of us. We may even have been aware of it some time back but I must think since the time of organized urban civilization began, we have gradually phased this out. Modern thinkers gradually came to argue that there is a deeper connection between all of us. I should expect that the ‘link’ a sense of special connection that exist between my daughter and me is something that in fact is normal.

I believe that all of us have such connection, everyone will find at least one other person in their lives to whom the have such link. But one should always remember the need to be receptive to notice things. Shamanism is a way of living, an outlook that broadens one’s horizons and yes, with that will introduce the mysteries, the unexplainable. Why not, in response to them should we engage in a journey of discovery? Step by step, experience how everything in the world is linked, mangled together in an infinite web of silk and do it with intent of the being, rather than exercise of the intellect. The infinite complexity of the universe, created by innumerable living and non living beings which on the first glimpse appear to be insignificant individually, is an invite for a journey the will never end and has never begun but just is, in all of us.

on synchronicity ...

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Spring has come to northern Finland. About a week and a couple of weeks ago the snow began to melt rapidly, the weather turned warm. Since the melting, spring has halted but one can feel that winter is slowly giving in, giving space for the circle of life.

Two weeks before the sudden warm and melting began I noticed a difference in the air, in everything around me. I eventually identified it to be the birds. Their songs just started to be different. Their began to sang with a positive sound in their voice, embracing already the coming of the spring. I thought what I could hear into this bird noise was merely just wishful thinking. After all, spring will have to come eventually and I may have been just desperate for signs.

One could argue always…

I was at the dentist recently. I knew for some time that I should go but didn’t and eventually I had no choice. I did not bother picking up the phone to get an appointment somewhere. My finnish skills are nowhere near good enough to make me confidant speaking on the phone. So I went around speaking to receptionist face to face. In Finnish. Should this have happened a week earlier I may have been in serious discomfort us I would not have known how to explain myself at the doctor, in Finnish. I only learned this a couple of day before my toothache kicked in!

Shamanic path promotes the attention to this seeming coincidences in life. Sinchronicities. Events will organise themselves. One can hope and aim to influence this organising process in positive manners calling for the aid of spirits not of this world. Many call it prayer.

an opening in the earth

Couple of days ago I came home from work rather tired. It wasn’t the easiest shift ever worked and I have been also engaged in a lot of singing that day. Singing of all sort of songs. I was trying my voice hoping to get hold of a power song. The filth of a night club in the morning is not a good place for this.
Nevertheless. I have give my energy to the spirits much as I could, honoring they presents and effort. I know of course that such song is to be acquired by me but guidance is always welcome. Had fun singing. Good about working alone often, is the being alone. No need for social considerations. Whatever voice leaves your throat… none to hear. So I sang and became tired more than usual which I felt when getting home.

Waiting for our slot in the sauna I lay on the couch and hoped to fall asleep. A noose would have felt nice but sleep did not wish to come to me and I was growing inpatient, alert yet also relaxed and comfortable. I was thinking about a place of which memory I hold dear. It is a simple place and also peaceful. I like being there even if it is only possible now by calling on my memories of it. At this place there was a hole in the ground, an opening in the earth. Something that is often of great importance in Shamanic experiences. As I fell asleep I entered this hole and was not in the dreamworld but I was dreaming. Some call it seeing some calls it journeying.

Without drumming and appropriate preparations it has taken me all my efforts to keep me in the vortex of tunnels between worlds. I was not meant to be there now and I could sense some hostility. Many creatures I have encountered, all kinds and shapes. Dragon likes, some insects, and more reptiles. Although none has showed serious opposition, I could pass easily without having to return. I did not know where I was going and why. I had no purpose and that was the reason of hostility. I considered to return but I met someone. It may have been my guardian spirit or an other who have taken pity on me for I was lost. He took me and showed me a fantastic many places that I had difficulties keeping up with him, keeping my focus. It was like traveling on a train that only stops for seconds at each town. I managed however and finally it took me to a place where I felt relaxed the moment I put my feet down. I heard voices from behind me so I turned around. The partner, spirit helper had something to say but first he told me to listen.

My effort to keep in the state of mind that allowed me to be there have failed here. Never before in non ordinary reailty I have had the pleasure of hearing and the surprise and excitement of it was too great and dragged me our from my altered state of consciousness that was induced only by the memory of a peaceful place and entering into the opening in the earth there. My trance was far to shallow. I was back on the couch, awake. I recounted my experience and decided to fall asleep while I still had time.

Talking wirth trees, the first inspiration

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Some mornings one would go for the brief walk of getting some breakfast and back to the house after. By then it was time to change clothing for ones clothes could get soaked on a couple of hundred yards walk. Most often the rain was not particularly strong yet it came horizontally with the wind. Yes, a wind that has never seized to blow. The landscape around as in most of west coast Jutland was of farmland with thin lines of trees between the fields. These Trees have gown into most abstract, wicked forms for there were so few that they could not shelter each other from the constant wind.

It is a harsh land to live, the earth yields little and one has to work hard to get it. The campus in the mids of farms was like a bubble of soap with its well kept loans and odd wooden barracks. I loved to live there for you could step out a building an leave the whole thing behind, enter another reality through stepping into surrounding farmland. We were lucky for pine trees on a nearby bit of land were grown. I often escaped to spend the night in the woods. There was a spot in the middle from where you could not see the edge. one could easily imagine to be surrounded by miles and miles of forests. A perfect place for a camp fire.

Often I also escaped towards the nearest settlement, in the afternoons I left for the village to have a beer in the local pub or just hang out, take a walk. Walking home was always nice, regardless the weather on the winding little road. And it was one of these walks, that I have decided to invite wolf into my life. I was confused at the time, not aware of what exactly I was seeking but certainly desperate to find it. Many things have set me off my balance. I could say, I was learning with an amusing speed many a things about the world and myself in it. Life, has thought me some painful yet valuable lessons but I did not consciously know what to make of my learnings. Have had some strange dreams on the previous nights and I couldn’t quite decipher them. They have had some relation to Africa where I have spent some time and returned from less then four months before. Staying in Mozambique was a switch, it has became a catalyst to my studies and career. So there was I, thinking about it all and I stopped. I had seen a particularly interesting tree and started talking to it. I thought first only I was doing the talking and felt a bit stupid about this situation but continued never the less. Unaware of it I entered a conversation with a tree. Eventually it was time to go but I have became inspired by this conversation and I left saying loud, out into the wide world ‘Wolf, I invite you into my life’.

In the Beginning

I grew up without access to all but one of my grandparents’ wisdom. Only my grandmother from my father’s side lived to an old age. I spent much time with her as a child, naturally, as parents often seek the help of their ‘elders’ for child minding and therefore inevitably involving them in shaping the minds of the young ones.

As I grew older, my gran’s help in caring for me stopped being necessary as I could take care of myself after and before school when my parents were out. I have not stopped seeking her company however, I sensed that our conversations over decaffeinated, over milked coffee she used to prepare were important stepping stones in my quest to obtain a suitable understanding of the world.

I missed however having a grandfather or two. I still have memories of my sadness and disappointment when in kindergarten or later during early years of primary school I was listening to the stories of other kids about their grandpas. I made do with whomever I ‘found’. An old family friend, ‘uncle’ Josh I have fond memories of and owe a great deal for my love of reading. Another one was the grandfather of a childhood friend. I could say that he was a classic old man, always grumpy, never sure about showing his kind side but it would make me appear falling into traps of building stereotypes. He was also an ever so active man working into his seventies, a builder and I believe he could have fixed anything with a hammer and a piece of wire. I shed many tears for the old dark Trabant he sometimes drew us around with, when time came to replace it with a more up to date vehicle.

As the years went by these semi grandparent figures disappeared from my life of course. Years have passed and I have not thought of them. Recently however I began rediscovering my path, analysing the steps that have taken me to where I stand today. I came to a curious quest of understanding the importance ones ancestors play in ones life.

Yes, recent months I have had plenty of time to think. My job allows my mind to wonder freely for hours on. One day somehow I came to think of the legacy of the Roman Empire. How it has grown from a mere tribe to en entity that has ruled over most of the European continent. And how along the way the original shamanic practices have been more or less successively replaced by ever more organised and hierarchic forms of religions. Such as the Greek or the Christian ones, mentioning only the well known. These structures suited well the technocratic society Rome has become. We live to this day the legacy of this early empire.

Ancestral worship however never truly disappeared and some parts of it, although vanishing slowly are still visible today. All Saints day is one of them but maybe more important is the following day: the day of the dead. It is still an important day in Central Europe. People pilgrim to the cemetery where their parents, grandparents were buried. Focus their thought on remembering while spend some time tidying the grave and its surroundings. I take no pleasure in this any longer as I have long left the land of my ancestors but I still mark this day wherever I am.

In 2002 something happened around this time that has embarked me on yet the most fascinating journey of my life. I lived in Denmark at the time at a most fascinating place. One day I woke somehow remembering that one of my adopted grandparents have died. I didn’t give much meaning to it, a dream and a wicked kind for that. Only, two days later when I was talking to my mom on the phone, it was my usual weekly ‘check in,’ she told me that Uncle Laci has passed away two days earlier. This coincidence has inspired me to begin preparations for the upcoming Day of the Dead. Unknowingly I began a form of a sacred practice that has become an event that in Shamanic culture could be referred to as my introducing or initiating shamanic experience that would set me off on the shamanic path…

Honouring the Wolf

It was early afternoon when I sat on the bus on the way home from work. The sun was mild through the clouds but the day seemed bright nevertheless after the long period of dark days in the middle of winter. I was tired. The bus was empty and its engine emmitted a calming vibration. We were driving through woods built of birch and some pine. I felt at home, comfortable. I was sitting comfortably, very comfortable so I was concerned that I would fall asleep and miss my stop eventually. But I didn’t. I just sat among the trees, with my rear legs comfortably tucked under my body insulating from the cold. I felt the light wind brushing the fur on my back and on my left side. It wasn’t strong enough to disturb me instead it felt me with its freshness. I was at home in the midst of trees, drinking the view and the smells with all my senses. My muscles and my jaws felt slightly tensed. I was ready for action. My teeth were sharp if they were to be needed. I never imagined feeling ones jaws when being a wolf. It was sensational!

The bus was still driving among the trees and I could feel boredom in the forest, my legs ready to leap me into action. I was boredom, undescribable in words. I realised that I, wolf was ready to leave if I needed to. I closed my eyes and I was Gabor again, emerging from among the trees sitting on the bus getting ready to get of at my stop.

When this experience occurred, on the 4th February 2008 it inspired me to begin this journal. Entering a light trance, for the first time ever I managed to shapeshift. Unintentional, unaware. Once realising what was happening I continued . With confidence, without trying, merly intending.
I have been revisiting my first encounters with the spirit world and came to believe it may be time to share. Wolf is bored and it rquires me to do something in which he can offer his assistance. In my mind I revisited the beginning of this journey. When we first met and what happened since. Slowly, as my thoughts will emerge, I will be sharing this story. Read on and you shall remember:one will always look at the world through a window, there are no two windows share the same view and there is no window big enough to be able to see it all

original post on Facebook: February 6 6:10pm